The Story Begins. . .


I am not really sure where to start, but I will do my best to get you up to speed of where I am in this adventure at this time.Chuck and I have been married for almost 22 years. We dated for 18 months before we married. While we were dating, Chuck and I talked about having a family when we got married. Chuck told me that we would have a boy first, his name would be Joshua. Then we would have a girl, her name would be Tiffani. How was a girl to argue with that? He knew what he wanted from the start. His thought after that was that we would probably have two more, he didn't care what the sex of those were (although, he thought twin girls would be nice). Me? Well, I wanted six from the start and I didn't care in what order they came.WELL. . . in the first year that we were married, Joshua came along. He was the first born son that Chuck had told me about two and a half years earlier. He was such a joy. . . our little blonde headed blessing. He was the first grandchild on both sides of the family. He was special and he knew it. Just a little over two years later, Little Miss Tiffani came along, just like her daddy said she would. From the start, she was the Princess and everybody knew it including big brother Josh (and OH how he loved her). Five years passed, I had been in college to become a dental hygienist. Yes I did things a little backwards. I had gone to college just out of high school for almost two years, majoring in business. It just wasn't "my cup of tea", I knew there was something else for me. So, after marriage and two babies, I decided (with help from dear ole hubby) that I wanted to be a dental hygienist. It was tough with a 10 month old and a 2 1/2 year old, but I was determined. I graduated in May 1994. Just after graduating, we discovered to our surprise that we were expecting baby number three. Chuck was nervous and I was overjoyed. The summer was stressful, with having to complete my regional and national boards and find a job to start my new career. On July 15, 1994 I lost our precious baby to a miscarriage. I was at an all time low, blaming myself for loosing it. I felt as if no one understood (except my mom of course) afterall she had been through it every step of the way with me. Chuck kept reminding me how we had two healthy beautiful kids already. Josh was 7 and Tiffani was 5 at that time. Yes, they were wonderful!!! All I could do was pray, I put it in God's hands. I told Him to do with it what He choose. Well, on November 19th, the day my best friend (since the age of 5 years) Ann, gave birth to her second son, I found out that I was pregnant once again. Preston was born in July the following year. Boy, did he change our lives. He was a precious ball of fire. Josh was now 8 and Tiffani 6 and they adored him. He was spoiled rotten by all. Chuck was sure now that our family was complete, but me, well. . . I had my doubts. LOL We suddenly realized that such a age difference made Preston fall almost into the only child catagory. So, once again, Chuck agreed that we could try yet again. So, in December 1997, just before Josh turned 10 years old, we gave birth to Nathan. He came into the world 6 and 1/2 weeks early and surprised us all. He had a few struggles in the beginning, but was soon up to all that being the youngest of four would bring his way. What a perfect family we had. They were each special in their own little way. Here we were with the four children that Chuck had told me 11 years earlier that we would have. PERFECT!!!!When Nathan was about five, I had a long talk with God. I knew that day that I would have more children, at least one more daughter. When I would find special "baby things" that I had to have, I would buy them and hide them in my special tub in my room. It was mine and God's secret, but I knew that He would be "faithful" to His word, I just had to keep the FAITH.Over the years, I would hint around about wanting another child and Chuck would just give me those looks. My heart longed for another baby and I felt he would never understand, afterall we had been blessed with FOUR. I decided that it was not fair of me to ask for another, it had to be a joint decision, we both had to want this and I knew he didn't want another baby. I began to pray, everyday, I would ask God to change my heart. "Please God make me turn my feelings away from wanting another baby". I didn't feel as if it was working, but I never gave up~~I just tried to avoid babies no matter where I went. I would turn my head in restaurants, walk away from strollers in the mall, I was determined to make myself not want another baby. I will NEVER forget the next thing that I will share with you. I was driving home from Hobby Lobby and Chuck called (he was in California). He told me to call him when I got home and could talk. I went numb, I couldn't imagine what could be so important that he couldn't share with me right then, after all he was 2500 miles away from me and the phone was the only way we could communicate. So, I drove home quickly, thinking I might throw up at any minute. LOL I went to my room, locked the door and I called him. It seemed as if he would never answer the phone. . . I think it only rang three times LOL Anyway, I can't remember his exact words, but he asked if I was sitting down, then he said that he wasn't sure what I had done to him, but that he KNEW that before we were too old, he wanted us to have another baby. I just cried!!! I couldn't stop!!! I had prayed that God would change my heart for almost 18 months and suddenly He decided to just change my husband's instead. So, it was decided, we were going to once again add to our family. So, the journey began, I was now turning 41 years old. Chuck was 43 and our kids 20, 18, 13 and 10. I often wondered, were we crazy? I Never found out the answer to that question honestly, but I know that we love each other and we love our children, so let the journey begin. On October 3, 2008 I flew to Las Vegas to meet Chuck, he was working there and we had some important business to take care of. Upon my arrival there, we took the "big" test. The score was just what we had hoped it would be. We WERE Pregnant. We spent the next three days just enjoying each other and the newness this baby was bringing to us. On Sunday, I had to fly home and he had to stay. I came home to some very excited kids, we had told them over the phone together about our "news". The next few days were uneventful, yet very exciting. Suddenly, on Octber 15th, things went terribly wrong. I had to call Chuck on the phone to tell him that I had lost our baby to a miscarriage once again. Both of our hearts were broken. I couldn't believe that God had brought us so far and now it was over. Somehow, I knew that God was still telling me to keep the Faith. I know that He has something great in store for us~~for our whole family. So let's now let the story continue. . . and baby WILL make seven.

The Family

The Family
Bryce Canyon, Utah

The Kiddos

The Kiddos
My Babies!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Tomorrow will make two years. . .

I loved you the minute I knew I was pregnant, I prayed that we would hold you soon. But God had other plans for you, my angel, HE took you home to be with HIM. ♥ Tomorrow will mark the two year anniversary since you so suddenly had to leave us. I think of you often sweet baby and YES I still cry over never getting to hold you. Quickly, I dry my tears when I remember that you are safe in your Heavenly Father's arms. I look forward to the day that I will meet you for the first time my precious child. I love you forever! Mommy
Posted by at No comments:

Friday, March 27, 2009

WOW how time flies!!!

Well, I woke up this morning and realized that it has been 2 years, 2 months and 2 days since we decided for Chuck to have a vasectomy reversal. It has been a long road thus far. But, after two minor surgeries for me, waiting for months for the ok from my doctor, Chuck's reversal and of course our miscarriage, I am finally ready to start TTC (Trying to conceive). It's been six months since my miscarriage~I think I am ready now. Spring is in the air, the flowers are blooming and yes, this is obviously my fertile time of the year~LOL After all, four of my pregnancies were conceived at this time of the year.
This is a very exciting decision for me (long awaited for Chuck). I am ready to see what God has planned for us now. He says in His word that he has a plan for each of us~you know what? I trust HIM. I pray for no more heartache, but I trust Him with my life.
Chuck has been so sweet and supportive through this whole process. We only grow closer with each day that passes. I don't want to EVER loose that with him. This past six months have been hard for me. I know I want another child, but you know I am not getting any younger. I just had to wait until my heart was right with my loss. I am ready to move forward now.
Posted by at 1 comment:

Friday, March 13, 2009

I will never forget you!!!

My precious babies~ I will never forget you. I think of you often and I just need to speak that out loud. I know that for whatever reason God chose to take each of you to be with HIM. I know He will hold you in HIS arms until I am there to hold you. What more comfort could I ever feel than to know you are in your creators arms. Kisses sweet babies!!!! Love, Mommy
Posted by at No comments:

Friday, January 2, 2009

WAIT. . .

Yesterday at work was unusually hard for me for some reason. I have two dear friends that I work with that are expecting babies. One is two weeks ahead of where I would have been and the other is four weeks behind were I would have been with my little baby that I lost. I enjoy so much watching them grow and realizing what a miracle they each have growing. For some reason though, today was hard. Jennifer found out that her baby is a girl and Bekah came in with an ultrasound picture of her little one~~oh so precious! I thought I was fine, then all of a sudden I lost it. I needed my husband. I needed my baby. My heart hurt like I can never remember it hurting before. I know that we can try again for another baby, but my emotions are crazy right now. I went into the bathroom at work to just cry and talk to God. I asked Him to please tell me what to do. "God please help me through this, I am beginning to doubt that I am ever to have another baby." Chuck was at home, so we exchanged some sweet text messages and he told me to hurry home after work. He knew that I needed him and he was waiting to comfort me. So, I drove home, but stopped at the mail box before going in the driveway. There was a pamplet in my mailbox, so for whatever reason I opened it to read what it was about. Inside it, in BIG letters was written WAIT. . . following those words was this peom that I know God put there for me, to comfort me in the time that I needed it most. Here is the peom:

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
And the Master so gently said, "Wait"
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your word."
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a "yes", a go-ahead sign.
Or even a "NO" to which I can resign."
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking; and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
" Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate.
As my Master repied again, "Wait".
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine. . .
and He tenderly said, i could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but wouldn't know me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that i give, and I save, for a start,
But, you'd now know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that' beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you."
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft my answers seem terribly late.
My most precious answer of all is still. . . Wait."

Once again my Heavenly Father has amazed me. He knew when that pamplet was mailed out that I would need it at that very moment. There it was to comfort me. He has shown me that IN HIS TIME I will have my baby, but for now, I must WAIT!!!
Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Comments (Atom)